You’ve likely heard about open relationships from a friend, a podcast, or social media. This topic grabs attention, stirs debate, and draws some flak. What’s the truth about dating in open relationships? Total mess, or real potential? Let’s break it down in a light, no-judgment zone. We’ll cover what open relationships are, how they run, stats for context—like a YouGov poll where 25% of Americans show interest, and a national survey with about 4% of US adults in these setups—and tips from my client sessions to succeed if you go for it. Ready? This ride packs info!
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An open relationship is when two people agree they can date or hook up with others while still being a couple. Sounds simple, right? But it’s not just “do whatever you want.” It’s about trust, communication, and setting rules that work for both partners. Unlike cheating, where someone sneaks around, open relationships are all about being upfront. Both people know what’s going on and say, “Cool, let’s do this.”
There are tons of ways to do open relationships. Some couples might just want casual flings on the side. Others might be okay with their partner having another serious relationship (that’s called polyamory, but we’ll save that for another day). The key? Everyone’s on the same page.
A study found that about 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. has tried some form of consensual non-monogamy, like open relationships. That’s way more common than you’d think!
My Tip: If you’re interested in open relationships, start by talking to your partner about what “open” means to you. No assumptions—lay it all out!
Why would someone date others while in a committed partnership? It’s not always due to boredom or dissatisfaction. From my sessions with couples, here are common reasons people try it:
But let’s be real—it’s not right for all. Many prefer monogamy, and that’s valid. The key with open relationships is that they’re an option, not a requirement.
If you consider an open relationship, reflect on your motives. Does it aim to repair issues, or do you truly seek more autonomy? Honesty upfront prevents future conflicts, as I’ve seen in my work with clients.
Open relationships aren’t just “go date whoever.” They need structure, like a good playlist needs a mix of bangers and chill tunes. Here’s how couples make it work:
Communication is the MVP of open relationships. You gotta discuss everything—how many dates are okay, what’s off-limits, and even stuff like safe sex. Some couples set rules like “no sleepovers” or “don’t date our friends.” Others are more chill but still check in regularly.
Example: Sarah and Jake, a couple I know, have a “weekly check-in” where they talk about their dates, feelings, and any tweaks to their rules. It keeps things smooth.
Rules aren’t about control—they’re about making everyone feel safe. Common ones include:
Jealousy happens. It’s normal. The trick is dealing with it. Instead of bottling it up, couples in open relationships talk it out. Maybe you’re jealous because your partner’s new date seems super cool. Say it! Work together to figure out what’ll help.
Your primary partner (if you have one) still needs love and attention. Date nights, quality time, and little gestures keep the spark alive. If your relationship’s rocky, opening it up might make things worse, not better.
Open relationships aren’t just about extra dates—they come with some pretty sweet perks. Here’s what people love about them:
Celebrate the wins! If you and your partner handle a tough convo or try something new, give yourselves a high-five. It’s a big deal.
I’ve worked with couples in open relationships for over 25 years. One thing I always bring up? Emotions. Open relationship dating can stir up a ton of feelings you didn’t expect—some amazing, others kinda tough.
It’s totally normal to feel excited, nervous, or even surprised by your own reactions. I’ve seen people who thought they’d be jealous end up cheering their partner on. And sometimes, folks who expected smooth sailing hit emotional speed bumps. That’s why emotional check-ins matter just as much as the rules you set.
One couple I worked with, Nina and Jorge, created a shared journal to write about their experiences. It helped them understand each other better—especially on the days they didn’t feel like talking.
Here’s something I always remind my clients: your feelings are valid. Don’t judge them. Just name them and talk through them. Whether it’s excitement, fear, curiosity, or even guilt, open relationship dating brings out the full spectrum—and that’s okay.
If you ever feel overwhelmed, take a moment. Ask yourself: “What do I need right now?” Maybe it’s a hug, a deep convo, or just space. That emotional honesty makes a huge difference.
No sugarcoating here—open relationships can be tough sometimes. Look at some common hurdles and how to deal:
So, you’re ready to date others. Where do you start? Here’s the lowdown:
Example Profile Line: “In a happy open relationship, looking for fun dates and good vibes. Let’s grab coffee and see where it goes!”
Open relationship dating isn’t just about emotions—it’s about safety, too. And I don’t just mean condoms (though yes, always use protection!). I’m also talking mental and emotional safety.
A lot of folks forget this part. You’re meeting new people, opening up your heart, maybe even facing rejection or drama. It can mess with your head if you’re not prepared.
I recommend having a “safety buddy” system. That means when you go on a new date, tell your main partner—or even a friend—where you’re going and when you’ll check in. It keeps things grounded.
Also, protect your emotional bandwidth. If you’re juggling two or three dates a week and feeling fried? It’s okay to pause. You don’t owe anyone your time or energy if you’re not feeling it.
After a new date, ask yourself: “Do I feel better, worse, or the same?” It’s a quick way to check if this person adds to your life or just drains it.
Open relationship dating can be awesome—but only if you feel safe and steady along the way.
Thinking about trying an open relationship? Here’s a quick checklist to help you decide:
If you’re nodding along, it might be worth a try. If not, that’s cool too—monogamy’s awesome for lots of people.
Stat: A poll found that 51% of Americans say non-monogamy is a valid choice, but only 10% say it’s for them. It’s all about what fits your life.
What If Only One Partner Wants It?
Sometimes, I hear from couples where one person is all-in on open relationship dating… and the other isn’t so sure. And yep, that’s tricky—but not impossible to work through.
First, don’t rush. This isn’t a “convince your partner” kind of thing. It’s more like, “Let’s understand where we both stand.” I’ve seen many couples sit down and talk honestly about why one partner’s curious and why the other’s hesitant.
Take Mia and Brandon. She wanted to try dating others; he was scared of losing her. They worked with a therapist, took things super slow, and eventually agreed to a “one-date-per-month” rule just to test the waters. It gave Brandon time to adjust and helped Mia feel seen.
If your partner’s not into it, respect that. Pushy behavior will only break trust. You can still have a great relationship without opening it up. But if it’s a dealbreaker for you? You’ve gotta be honest about that too.
Use “I” statements. Instead of saying, “You’re holding me back,” try, “I’ve been thinking about open relationship dating because I feel curious and want to talk it through.” That small shift can open the door to real connection.
Stories from the Open Relationship World
Let’s hear from some real people (names changed, obvs) to see how this works in real life:
- Mia and Leo: They’ve been open for two years. Mia loves flirting on apps, while Leo’s more into occasional dates. They check in every Sunday to keep things tight. Biggest lesson? “Don’t assume your partner knows how you feel—say it.”
- Tara and Sam: They tried an open relationship but hit a snag when Sam got jealous. They closed things up for a bit, worked on trust, and now they’re back at it with stricter rules. Tara says, “It’s a learning curve, but we’re stronger now.”
- Chris and Alex: They’re super chill and don’t have many rules, just “be safe and be honest.” Chris says dating others helped him appreciate Alex more. “It’s like, wow, I picked an awesome partner.”
These stories show there’s no one-size-fits-all. Every couple finds their groove.
Open relationships aren’t a magic fix or a wild free-for-all. They’re a way to love that takes work, trust, and a whole lotta talking. If you’re curious, start small—have a convo with your partner, read up, and see if it feels right. If it’s not your thing, that’s cool too. The best part about love is making it your own.
